Safe sleep (for mom).
When a new baby arrives, the topic of safe sleep quickly becomes a major focus. Everyone wants to do everything possible to prevent SIDS, and there’s no shortage of information available—from parenting websites and blogs to books and podcasts. But there’s another crucial aspect that often doesn’t get as much attention: how sleep—or the lack of it—affects parents' physical well-being.
It’s easy to get caught up in ensuring your baby is sleeping safely, but let’s not forget that sleep deprivation can take a significant toll on parents, too. Exhaustion can impact everything from your immune system, metabolism, and hormones to your ability to think clearly and respond appropriately.
Getting six hours or less of sleep a night isn’t just an inconvenience; it can really mess with your health. Long-term it’s linked to some serious issues like obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease. When you skimp on sleep, your body struggles with dehydration, slow healing, and a weakened immune system, making you more prone to getting sick. Your mental health can take a hit too, with increased risks of anxiety and depression. Plus, sleep deprivation raises your cortisol levels (that’s your stress hormone), which can throw your whole system out of whack. Your digestion and insulin sensitivity might suffer, potentially leading to weight gain. And here’s a kicker: if you’re only getting 6 hours of sleep, you’re 2.6 times more likely to fall asleep at the wheel compared to people who get 7 to 9 hours.
The tricky part is, you might not even realize how much sleep deprivation is affecting you. Over time, you get used to feeling tired and might think you're managing okay, but your performance is still slipping.
Now, I get it—babies wake up often, and sleep can be hard to come by in those early months.
I’m not trying to add to your stress. Instead, I hope this info helps you see why making sleep a priority, whenever possible, is crucial for your well-being and reduces any guilt or hesitation you may have about utilizing your support system to make longer stretches of sleep a reality for you.
Sleep deprivation in the early months of parenthood is a very normal part of the transition, and ideally it is short lived. Still, there are steps you can take to minimize the negative impacts of sleep deprivation on your overall health and well-being during this time:
After the initial early months, if the baby is still not sleeping in 4ish hour blocks, use your support system to take “shifts”. Ear plugs might help too if you're trying to catch some z’s while someone else is on baby duty. Why is four hours the recommended minimum shift duration? During sleep, particularly in the deep slow-wave stages, your body releases growth hormones that aid in tissue repair and muscle growth. Meanwhile, REM sleep, known for its brain rejuvenation effects, helps consolidate memories and process emotions. For optimal health, it’s not just about the quantity of sleep but also the quality. Achieving a balance of REM and slow-wave stages helps ensure that both your body and brain get the restorative benefits needed to function at their best - for most adults the time frame needed to achieve a full cycle of REM and slow-wave is approximately 4 hours.
Optimize your sleep environment - spend just as much time making sure this is “just right” as you do setting up the nursery. Practice good sleep hygiene to improve the quality of your sleep even when the quantity is less than ideal.
Don’t overschedule yourself while you are still getting up frequently throughout the night. Make staying home a priority to keep yourself off the road whenever possible. Say “no” to unnecessary trips out, have groceries delivered and have people come to you if they want to meet the baby. Don’t risk your health to convenience other people during this time.
Make sleep a priority. Sometimes this requires overcoming certain mindsets that are prevalent in our culture of “never enough,” sleep is enough, it is essential.
“Perhaps the biggest misperception we have about health today: we underestimate the need for rest and recovery in our culture. In our do-more world, nothing is ever enough and rest is the first thing to get sacrificed. Yet, ironically, sleep deprivation amplifies every ache, sorrow and stress. Getting more rest is easier said than done. But it starts with re-orienting our minds and replacing old beliefs of “never enough” with the understanding that recovering and tending to the baby, for now, is more than enough. In fact, it is everything.” The First Forty Days by Heng Ou- page 35.
Make sure your support system is aware of the importance of sleep and ways in which they can step up to support your rest.
“Just telling a mother to sleep is as ridiculous as telling her to fly. Protecting her sleep requires challenging deep cultural and structural factors, both within families and within the medical establishment.” – N. Leistikow et al. 2022
Unfortunately, American social policies make it challenging for new mothers to access the sleep they desperately need. While many mothers struggle to secure maternity leave, paternity leave is often even more elusive. As a result, the sleep of the non-birthing “working” parent often takes precedence. However, it’s crucial to recognize that sleep is just as essential for the birthing parent. Although their caregiving efforts may go unpaid and unnoticed in terms of our country’s GDP, this work is vital and deserves acknowledgment and support.
It’s totally normal for sleep to be hard to come by when you have a newborn, and it's okay if you’re struggling to get enough rest. Every baby is different, and some take a bit longer to settle into a routine—and that’s perfectly fine. I’m not here to judge any sleep strategies you’re trying or planning to try. In fact I truly believe that there are no “wrong” or “right” approaches to sleep. What matters most is finding what works for you and your baby, and allowing yourself to let go of the pressure and feel a sense of peace once the decision is made. Remember, what others think about your parenting choices is their concern, not yours. Be compassionate to yourself and your support system during this time. This phase will pass, and in the meantime, focusing on little moments of rest can be really helpful. Even just closing your eyes and taking some deep breaths can give your nervous system a much-needed boost. I invite you to take a moment to do that now.
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