Social media - friend or foe?

Social media has become a big part of our lives, and for many moms, it can be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it offers a way to connect and share experiences; on the other, it can lead to feelings of anxiety and comparison. Let’s dive into the positives, negatives, and some helpful tips for navigating social media as a mom.

Positives:

Funny or uplifting content can be a mood-booster.

One of the best things about social media is the abundance of funny and uplifting content. From relatable memes about parenting struggles to heartwarming stories that remind us we’re not alone, these little nuggets of joy can brighten our days. Laughter can be a great stress reliever, and social media often provides a quick dose of humor when we need it most.

Connect with community.

Social media platforms allow mothers to connect with others from diverse backgrounds who share similar experiences. This sense of community can significantly reduce feelings of isolation. When you’re a mom, especially a new one, it can feel like you’re on an island sometimes. Through online groups and forums, you can seek advice, share tips, and offer support to one another. This peer network can be invaluable, especially for moms who might not have local support or who prefer seeking advice anonymously.

Access to information.

The internet is a treasure trove of information about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. Social media makes it easy to share and access this information. Whether it’s learning about the latest parenting techniques, finding recipes for picky eaters, or discovering helpful tips for self-care, social media empowers moms to make informed decisions about their health and their children’s well-being.

Keeping in touch with family.

In today’s world, families often live farther apart. Social media provides a convenient way to keep everyone in the loop. You can share updates, photos, and milestones, making it easier to stay connected with loved ones, no matter the distance.

Negatives:

Heightened anxiety and depression.

Research shows that social media can heighten feelings of anxiety and depression, particularly affecting new mothers who may already be struggling with sleep deprivation and hormonal changes. While social media can sometimes provide answers and alleviate anxiety, it often perpetuates a cycle of negativity through "doom scrolling," leading to an overly bleak view of the world and increased stress. Additionally, social media can become a space for venting frustrations, which, while validating, can also shift our focus toward the negatives. This tendency can foster a competitive spirit of negativity, where one person’s complaint invites another’s, next think you know we are engaging in a mum-upmanship of negativity, “If you think that’s bad, let me tell you about…”. When navigating motherhood, it’s crucial to be mindful of where we direct our focus. Rather than fixating on the negative, we should strive to seek solutions and empowerment in our experiences.

Increase in social comparisons.

“Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side, and competition from the other - it’s simultaneously trying to fit in and stand out.” - Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart.

One of the biggest drawbacks of social media is how it encourages users to compare themselves to others, particularly mothers who often feel pressured to meet the idealized images of motherhood showcased on platforms like Instagram. This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, as social media frequently distorts reality, presenting a highlight reel that doesn't reflect everyday life. According to social self-preservation theory, when these comparisons threaten a person's self-concept, it activates the body’s stress response, releasing cortisol. A study published in Biological Psychology found that increased exposure to motherhood-related content on social media is linked to higher cortisol levels, suggesting that the more time mothers spend on these platforms, the greater their feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and stress.

Distorted self image.

Social media often promotes a black-and-white view of reality, ignoring the nuanced, gray areas of life that define the parenting experience. This dichotomy can distort self-image, as users frequently feel the need to curate and present their identities through carefully crafted posts, believing that each update shapes how others perceive them. The platform encourages an emphasis on appearance over authenticity, leading many to prioritize how they are viewed rather than who they truly are. Additionally, social media is flooded with images of postpartum bodies that glamorize rapid weight loss and promote unrealistic beauty standards, which can foster body dissatisfaction and exacerbate feelings of insecurity among new mothers.

Increase risk of cyber bullying.

When interactions are only screen-deep, it can be hard to distinguish between well-intentioned advice and criticism. Furthermore, it’s often said that “advice that isn’t asked for feels like criticism.” With people emboldened to share their opinions from behind a screen, you may feel as though they are criticizing everything you do, which can lead you to second-guess yourself as a new mother. Sometimes, the intent is clear, and social media can become a space where people are downright judgmental or hurtful, further exacerbating feelings of isolation and distress. Remember, your journey as a mother is uniquely yours, and you have the strength to trust your instincts and surround yourself with positivity.

Tips for Navigating Social Media

Navigating social media as a mom can be tricky, but with the right strategies, you can make it a more positive experience. Here are some tips to help you along the way:

1. Set limits.

Establishing boundaries around social media use can prevent feelings of overwhelm. Consider limiting your time on social media each day and designating specific times for checking in. For example, if scrolling at night disrupts your sleep or leaves you feeling anxious, try checking in earlier in the day instead. You can even set up software on your devices that block non-essential notifications after a certain time period. If social media is adding more stress than joy to your life, consider taking a break. Sometimes, stepping back is essential for your mental health.

2. Proactively curate the content on your feed.

Be selective about the content you consume on social media. The algorithms that shape your feed don’t prioritize your well-being, so it's essential to take a proactive approach. Unfollow accounts that trigger negative feelings or promote unrealistic ideals, and instead, seek out those that offer genuine support and encouragement. Reflect on how you feel after spending time online: do certain posts uplift you or bring you down? Ask yourself how often you think about what you see on social media throughout the day and how it affects your mood. This mindfulness can help you make better choices about the content you engage with.

When it comes to social media I recommend doing a periodic un-following of accounts that are not benefiting your well-being. These accounts are often those that make you feel like you aren’t stacking up. They invoke a sense of comparison and leave you feeling less-than. It can be difficult to distinguish these accounts from those you follow for connection to a mom community or “inspiration”. You like what you see and think that’s something you might want to try, but you also get the sense that it would be unrealistic to add this to your to-do list. Or you do add it to your to-do list but you begin to feel overwhelmed when the list keeps growing. Now you may feel, “these moms can do it all, why can’t I?” Remember, we are human beings, not human doings. Everyone’s motherhood journey is different, and it’s important to focus on how you feel in the moment rather than striving to “do it all.” You are doing more than enough.

3. Cultivate self-compassion and limit comparisons

Comparison is a natural part of being human, but it’s how we respond to it that truly matters. While social media can sometimes soothe anxiety by providing answers to pressing questions, it can also unintentionally foster feelings of inadequacy, often on a subconscious level. It's important to recognize that the stress we feel may not stem directly from social media itself, but from the way we internalize the comparisons we make. We often don’t realize we’re comparing ourselves to others, and this lack of awareness can influence our self-perception and relationships.

By acknowledging that comparison is hardwired into us, we can choose not to let it dictate our mood or self-worth. As Brené Brown wisely states, “Comparison is natural; it’s what we do with it that matters.” Instead of allowing these comparisons to diminish our joy, we can recognize them for what they are and make conscious choices that align with our values and self-acceptance.

4. Build an in-person community.

While social media can provide some connection, it’s essential not to rely solely on digital interactions. Make an effort to cultivate relationships offline with friends, family, and local support groups. Social media connections are often quite superficial - it’s the way they were designed to be. Easy to create, easy to maintain. But in real life, actual meaningful relationships take work, as they say “the friction is the glue”, what you get out of a relationship is a direct result of the hard work you put into creating and maintaining it. Even in the rough patches you are growing and your relationship is blossoming. 

Humans crave in-person interaction on a fundamental, cellular level—it’s woven into our very biology. This deep-seated need for connection goes beyond mere socialization; it’s essential for our emotional and physical well-being. Without those face-to-face moments, we miss out on the rich, transformative experiences that only genuine human interaction can provide.

Conclusion

Remember, no one is perfect, and neither is motherhood. Embrace the messiness of life and accept that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. This mindset allows you to appreciate your journey without falling into the comparison trap.

Societal expectations can add stress—like trying to work as if you don’t have kids while raising them as if you don’t work. Being mindful of social media’s impact and correcting negative thought patterns can help, but sometimes, the simplest solution is to unplug for a week or two and see how it feels.

Take time to assess how social media affects your well-being. If you notice it negatively impacts your sleep, stress levels, or self-esteem, consider reducing your screen time or unfollowing certain accounts.

For all the mothers out there, use social media in ways that uplift you. If it adds stress or makes you feel inadequate, stepping back is essential. The content we consume influences our minds, even if we think we’re just scrolling. Everyone can benefit from a break from screens. By recognizing the positives and negatives of social media, you can cultivate a healthier relationship with it. Remember, you are doing more than enough. Prioritize self-care and seek genuine connections.

Sources:

• Stress and social comparison study: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0301051122001454