Intrusive thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are very common, but they can be disturbing and challenging to process, especially when they clash with our expectations of parenthood being a time of pure bliss, bonding, and fulfillment. These thoughts may manifest as frightening scenarios, irrational fears, anxious “what if” questions, and disturbing images that play out in your mind.
Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSW, Founding Director of The Postpartum Stress Center, notes that nearly all new parents experience frightening, intrusive thoughts about harm coming to themselves or their baby. Despite their prevalence, these thoughts are one of the less commonly discussed challenges of motherhood.
It is important to understand that these intrusive thoughts stem from our brains trying to handle the added pressure of caring for a vulnerable infant. Our "fight or flight" system is on high alert for potential threats, which can lead to these unsettling thoughts. Understanding why our brains tend to focus on worst-case scenarios can be reassuring. When we grasp the reasons behind these thoughts, we can diminish their impact, as knowing their origin helps us feel less afraid of them.
Even though you might find yourself wondering, “Where did that come from? That was weird/scary/gruesome. What’s wrong with me?” and feel shame or guilt, remember that this is a natural response meant to protect you and your baby. Be kind to yourself; having these thoughts does not define your ability as a mother.
Recognizing that these thoughts are a normal part of the transition to motherhood can be reassuring. They do not reflect your true intentions or fitness to be a mother but are more about your protective instincts and heightened awareness. If these thoughts become frequent and interfere with your daily life, it is important to seek support as they could be a sign of developing postpartum anxiety or another postpartum mood and anxiety disorder (*see note below).
Recommended reading: Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts: A Healing Guide to the Secret Fears of New Mothers by Karen Kleiman.
Note: If the intrusive thoughts become severe, frequent or begin to impact your ability to care for yourself or your child they could be a sign of postpartum anxiety or OCD. If you can no longer distinguish the thoughts/ threats from reality, they no longer worry you, or they feel in alignment with your desires, this is a sign of postpartum psychosis which is very rare but requires immediate professional treatment.
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